


Closet Jokes and Psychopaths

by Priestlyislove



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: And a fuckton of swearing, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, MacDennis - Freeform, Mentally ill slurs, Trapped In A Closet, Two halves of a whole idiot, it's really gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 12:57:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6957424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Priestlyislove/pseuds/Priestlyislove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dennis and Mac find themselves in an unfortunate situation (or maybe it'll be the perfect opportunity to get some stuff off their minds).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closet Jokes and Psychopaths

A closet. It’s always a closet.

Dennis found himself trapped, body pressed against Mac’s as they struggled to stay quiet. Dennis would’ve made a coming out of the closet joke at Mac’s expense but he was hardly in the mood. After all, _a goddamn maniac was chasing them._

When they had to stay out in this abandoned cabin all night on a bet, Dee told them there was a crazy killer on the loose. Of course they ignored her, but couldn’t help but let her story stick in the back of their minds. The whole night they had been jumpy. And then this guy in a mask jumped out at them, swinging around a butcher knife.

So they hid in a closet.

It was just one of those days.

“Your knee is crushing my dick,” he hissed and Mac tried to shift, accidentally elbowing him in the face. Who makes such small closets anyway? This whole cabin was a disaster.

“This would be easier if we went back to back,” Mac offered.

“How? Honestly sometimes you are _so stupid_ -” They froze as the floorboards outside creaked. After a moment of stillness, Dennis decided if he had to die he would prefer to make his point first. He continued in a hushed tone, “We-we don’t even have enough room to turn around anyway. If you weren’t so fat-”

“It’s mass, dude. Don’t do this now.” Mac bit his lip. “Your hand is kinda on my ass.”

“I thought I saw a box behind you when we came in, I’m feeling for that.”

Mac rolled his eyes. “Yeah I know there’s a box, it’s digging into my calves. It’s a hat box. Why do you want it?”

Dennis bit back an annoyed sigh. Did he really have to explain _everything_? “If we could move it onto it’s side we’d have more room.”

Mac gave him his dorky half smile. It was completely unattractive the way he just let his mouth hang open, but Dennis found himself strangely pleased whenever he did it. “Oh, good idea. I’ll get it.” Mac started moving his leg up and down to flip the box, inadvertently grinding against Dennis. Dennis stared up at the ceiling. He wasn’t exactly the praying type, but right then he prayed for Mac to suddenly die because he could not take this. “...do you have a boner right now?”

“When you have someone grinding against you and your hand is on their ass, you get a boner. It’s just fucking science.” Dennis hissed, his patience running as thin as it could go. Honestly, Mac was so stupid sometimes Dennis couldn’t understand why he liked him so much. In a villain-and-henchman sort of way, of course. Not a romantic way. He didn’t know why he had to clear that up to himself.

Mac stopped to think for a moment. “You...you could move your hand away now…” A smashing sound outside caused Mac to press harder against Dennis. Before Dennis could complain, Mac started again. “I-I have to talk to you about something.”

Dennis knew that tone. He was, unsurprisingly, not a fan of that tone. “Now is not the time for a heart to heart.”

“But it’s important!” Mac whined, earning a shush from Dennis.

“Keep your voice down. Is it worth dying for?” The question was supposed to be rhetoric, with the obvious answer of ‘No Dennis, you’re right, just like always, I’ll cry over something stupid later' but Mac seemed to actually put thought into it. Dennis condescended dryly, “No, Mac. It’s not worth dying for.”

“Den, please just listen.” Before Dennis could begin Mac started talking very quickly. “So I know you have this image of me, really tough and amazing and s..straight and just a total badass who’s too cool for love and I don’t want you to think I’m any less awesome but-” he paused abruptly, glancing away. His face was red.

“At least finish your thought if you have to start it.” He said, no longer really making an effort to keep his voice down because they might as well be murdered at this point anyway.

“I...I’m a little in love with you.”

Dennis blinked. Mac was trying very hard not to fidget or run right out of the closet. Dennis cracked a little smile. “ _Dumbass_.”

He pulled Mac’s face in the little distance left and kissed him hard. Mac did not hesitate with the response. Dennis could feel Mac’s heart fluttering through his chest. _Honestly, what a dork._

They pressed against the walls, kissing like they needed each other to breath. Mac’s hands found their way under his shirt, ripping it off. He ran his hands down his back. Dennis began kissing and nipping his neck. Mac was hard against him, grinding this time on purpose. Dennis' boner did not falter. They were moaning and moving things out of their way and just making a ton of noise.

So it was only natural that the psychopath found them.

The door slammed open. They split apart and screamed. The guy in the mask screamed back. “Aahh! holy shit! Were you guys making out in here?” Wait a minute, they knew that voice.

Mac squinted in the low light. “Charlie?”

The man pulled off his mask to reveal he really was Charlie. He gave him a look of disbelief. “Who else would it be, dude?”

“You-you were the maniac?” Dennis sputtered. It was clear on his face he wanted to kill first and ask questions later.

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Dee told me we were playing ‘Killer In The Woods.’ I can’t believe you guys made up a game without me! Not cool. But it was pretty fun.” He frowned a little. “Until you guys started getting it on, I did not sign up for that. Oh, but I did see this tree and inside of it-”

Mac and Dennis shared a look, tuning out of the rest of Charlie’s rambling. “ _Dee_.”

Meanwhile, somewhere far away, Dee was laughing her ass off picturing how the whole thing went down. She would have to have Charlie tell her later. Honestly, it was about time those two worked things out. They had just needed a little push.

 


End file.
